Interview with America’s BDSM Expert!

I’m so excited to have on our blog today, Dr. Charley Ferrer, America’s BDSM Expert!

Dr. Charley is hosting BDSMCON 2014 that Me (Leia) and Sorcha are attending, speaking at, and signing at next August. She has years of experience and knowledge as it pertains to BDSM and she’s here to share it with us!

Below are a few questions readers had asked her to answer, which she has graciously done. She’s also offered to pop on and off throughout the day and answer other questions you may have in the comments! So please read on then leave a comment with your question or thoughts!

From Dr. Charley…

Hi Leia. Thank you for having me on your BADASS BRATS blog. I’m thrilled to join you and your readers. Below I’ve responded to the questions posed. I invite you all to contact me with further questions or comments.
1. The normal ways women might orgasm don’t work for me. I need some pain and then it feels like I just explode. Is that weird? Is there something wrong with me?

 

There’s nothing weird about you and it’s perfectly normal to enjoy a more “primitive” connection with your orgasm. It places you in the “kinky” category. How far into it you go and explore is up to you. Everyone experiences their orgasm and climax (for men) differently. Some enjoy receiving a little pain or a little fear that makes their heart beat faster and their thrill heightens the sensations. Others enjoy giving their partner that thrill. It’s perfectly normal. Like people and roller coasters. Some like them. Some don’t. My advice; find a partner who will enjoy the thrill with you and even heighten it a bit more.

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2. How would you recommend a woman find a partner in the lifestyle safely whose kinks match up with hers?

Dating in the BDSM world is like dating in the Vanilla world—you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince or princess. The great thing about the BDSM community is we’re willing to talk about our desires and needs. Though there really is no “perfect” partner for everyone, there is someone out there you can come to love and accept as they’ll accept you and all your quirks.

When dating anyone, ensure to ask around about them. If you don’t already belong to a BDSM organization in your area, I would highly recommend you doing so. This will help you find like-minded individuals and be a great support for you as you grow within the kink community. Plus, they can tell you stories about the person you’re interested in. Whether he’s a true Dominant or submissive or someone they’ve never seen before. It’s not uncommon for men to lie about being a Dominant. Unfortunately, some submissive women seeking a Dominant find an abuser instead. Hence, the need to learn about the naked truths about lifestyle and use good judgment. If it feels wrong to you, don’t do it. Ask around. Find other kinksters. Join my BDSM Teleseminar and Private Group Forum. It’s the perfect place to learn. http://www.bdsmforwriters.com/BDSM_Group_Forum_Readers.html

It’s also a good idea to fill out a BDSM Checklist for yourself and have your perspective partner fill one out as well. This will give you an idea of what you (and they) desire. At the very least it’ll let you know if you’re in the right ballpark. Don’t worry if you have no experience or are just starting out. The BDSM Checklist I’ve created allows you to note if you’d like to try something and whether or not it’s exciting for you. As you grow in your awareness, desire and experience, you may find that what you thought you’d enjoy you don’t and what you feared now thrills you. I always recommend completing a new BDSM Checklist every six months to a year.

You can sign-up for a free BDSM Checklist on my website BDSM for Writers http://www.bdsmforwriters.com/Conference_Newsletter.html.  Completing this list will help you determine what you’re looking for in a partner. It’ll also provide you with ideas on what scenes you can enjoy together.

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3. Is there really such a thing as a switch or does that just mean I’m confused?

A Switch is someone who enjoys both sides of the whip. They can be submissive or Dominant. However, they tend to lean more toward one way then the other when with certain people. For instance, with a submissive, they may take on the Dominant role and visa versa. There’s nothing wrong with being a Switch.

I always recommend individuals learn more about the lifestyle and its nuances. I’ve written two books on Dominance and submission, BDSM The Naked Truth and BDSM for Writers. These books provide you with valuable information to help you navigate the depths of this uniquely erotic and often misunderstood lifestyle. It also provides you with valuable information on resources within the community, both online and live.

I want to take a moment to personally invite you to next year’s BDSM WRITERS CON being held August 21 -24, 2014 in New York City. This conference is for everyone interested in writing about or exploring the world of Dominance and submission. This one-of-a-kind conference is the first of its kind. Joining authors and readers in their mutual desire for romance and D/s thrills. With over 40-hours of programming, it’s the perfect place for someone who’s just learning about BDSM to come explore in a nice safe environment. Plus you’ll see Live Demos on various aspects of Dominance and submission such as flogging, mummification, and Edge Play; and talk to individuals who actually embrace this lifestyle. And you’ll get to party at a local BDSM Club as well. If you’ve been writing or exploring D/s for a while, you’ll enjoy the various workshops and panel discussions for both authors and readers—helping you discover more possibilities both emotionally and physically.

Live with passion,

Dr. Charley Ferrer

 

 

A little about Dr. Charley Ferrer

She is a world renowned Clinical Sexologist and America’s BDSM Expert. She’s dedicated her live to helping others feel empowered and derive pleasure from their relationships. Doctor Charley conducts workshops throughout the US, Latina America, and recently China. She also provides online eCourses and webinars and hosts a private BDSM TeleSeminar & Group Forum for both authors and the general public. Visit her websites to learn more:

www.doctorcharley.com, www.bdsmforwriters.com and www.instituteofpleasure.org

Sorcha and Leia will be at BDSM CON 2014 with Dr. Charley and many other BDSM authors to provide a fun and educational weekend for writers and readers in NYC. We’re so excited for this event, next August, and hope you’ll consider going. The website to learn more is HERE.

siggyleia

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